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Christian Marriage Counseling – Avoidant Spouse

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Christian Marriage Counseling – Avoidant Spouse


Christian marriage counseling fort myers states that one of the unhealthy patterns that develops in marriage is “avoidance” of the other partner.  It may be that his spouse doesn’t want to have address a particular topic.  It may be that he or she feels that an verbal attack can break out without notice.  Whatever the reason, the couple fails to connect and a pattern of avoidance emerges.  Over time, if this pattern becomes the norm, the relationship is headed may eventually be headed to an icy end.  Christian marriage counseling naples is often asked what can a spouse do that wants to reach his or her avoidance partner?  The following brief answer to the question..

Two-Fold Guideline

The way to reach your avoidant mate, or more accurately, the way for your avoidant mate to reach out to you, is two-fold.

  1. You have to let your spouse know how important the relationship is to you.
  1. You have to be willing to show your partner your vulnerable side in terms of how you feel about the relationship. This stands in contrast to words or behavior that will further push your partner away: expressing anger, screaming, making demands, issuing ultimatums, etc.


Peter, my relationship with you is the most important thing to me in the world.  It just crushes my soul when you don’t respond to my attempts to be closer to you.  

Joan, you are my favorite person by far.  When you pull away from me, it is like I lose my way.  Honestly, I feel lost without you.

 Mitchell, when you give me the silent treatment, I feel very lonely.  I do so much better as an individual and a wife when I know we are in sync as a couple.

Indicators of  Success

Christian marriage counseling cape coral and Christian marriage counseling estero both note that you must give this approach enough to time work, at least two or three weeks.  You will know you are having a positive impact if your spouse begins to open up and/or display empathy.  Positive signs include such statements as:

  1.  You are important to me as well.
  2. I am sorry that I have made you feel so bad.
  3. I will try to be more responsive to your needs in the future.

If you are struggling with issues of avoidance in your marriage, contact Dr. Ken Newberger.  View his alternative approach to conventional Christian marriage counseling bonita springs at his website.  Go to:   He serves couples who live in the Southwest section of Florida, particularly Cape Coral FL, Naples FL, Ft. Myers FL, Bonita Springs FL, Estero FL, as well as Marco and Sanibel Islands.

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