Family and Marriage Counseling: Marital Love Overcomes Pain in Childhood

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Family and Marriage Counseling: Marital Love Overcomes Pain in Childhood

Family and Marriage Counseling:  Marital Love Overcomes Pain in Childhood

Family and Marriage Counseling Ft Myers FL and Familyand Marriage  Counseling Cape Coral both agree:  Child abuse is a big problem in the United States.  Consider the following true account.

John, not his real name, revealed that he had grown up in a very abusive home.  He considered his mother a “black widow.”  That is to say, she would draw him in with expressions of love only to verbally spew venom that penetrated his soul.  With regard to his older siblings, he felt he lived among a “pack of hyenas.”  John said nothing about his biological father.  Obviously his biological parent’s marriage ended in divorce.  It seems that the dad had abandoned his family.  Unfortunately, John’s step-dad was no savior.  Three times John witnessed his step-father attempting to kill his mother.  John remarked that it was “survival of the fittest” in his home.

John recalls making a vow to himself at the tender age of five that when he grew up, he was going to have a different life than the one he experienced, including a different kind of marriage.  But such vows, as sincere as they may be, may not come to fruition.  Such deficits in childhood are not easily overcome. Why? Because as Dr. Sue Johnson pointed out, “trauma creates overwhelming emotional chaos and assails a cohesive sense of self.”

Not surprisingly, John suffered with depression well into his thirties.  It wasn’t until then that he realized the various voices he heard in his head were not normal.

Happily, John did end up living a better life, but not because he was able to emotionally pull himself up by his own bootstraps.  It was because of two relationships, one with God, the other with his wife, Pam (not her real name).  John came to believe that God loved him unconditionally despite how badly he thought of himself.  This gave him a new basis for self-acceptance. [Naples family and marriage counseling as well as Family and Marriage Counseling Estero FL wonders if individual therapy or marriage counseling was also involved].

As for his wife, she “relentlessly loved me and ‘care fronted’ my cognitive distortions.”  In one instance, when such distortions came into play and John became upset with an aspect of his two-year-old twin’s birthday party, Pam calmly remarked, “Have you ever thought that maybe the way you grew up wasn’t quite as healthy as the way I grew up?”  John trusted Pam’s perspective and began to see reality in a new, more accurate light.  Unlike what occurred with his mother, Pam’s “love drew me [in] to live and I’m never going back.  Abundance is much, much better than surviving.”


Family and Marriage  Counseling Bonita Springs FL points that that such turnarounds don’t occur in isolation.  The way out of trauma is a secure relationship with another human being.   Being strongly connected to a person who loves you is considered  “the royal road to healing from all forms of trauma.”  It also promotes a sense of inner strength and resilience.  Stated differently, there can be little rebound from the emotional deficits of childhood without the compassion and loving support of another human being, especially one’s husband or wife. 


If conflict is engulfing your relationship and becoming securely attached to your spouse is a need you have that is not presently being met, Dr. Ken Newberger, who holds a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution, stands ready to help.  View his cutting-edge alternative to traditional marriage & family counseling.  Go to  Then, if you like what you see, call him for a free telephone consultation to discuss your particular situation.

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