Fort Myers Marriage Counseling – Improve Your Marriage – Part 4

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Fort Myers Marriage Counseling – Improve Your Marriage – Part 4

We are continuing the discussion of “Steps to a Healthier, Happier Marriage.”  These steps are highly recommended by fort myers marriage counseling.

  1. Mentally rehearse and verbally practice what you are going to say and how you are going to react differently. If you can, role play your new responses with a friend or relative.

What to Say:  Think of past words or behaviors of your spouse that have been problematic.  Based on those comments or actions, use the 5 Point Message to practice establishing your new response.  You will want to add an additional point at the end (after point 5) having to do with consequences if your spouse continues to act the same way.

On Consequences:  It would be a mistake, says fort myers marriage counseling, to start off with the most draconian consequences you can think of should your spouse continue to behave the same.  Be as firm as necessary, but as moderate as possible.  Make sure you are comfortable with your “line in the sand.”

Fort Myers marriage counseling says the following point is very important: Consequences should not be used as a punishment or retaliation.  Nor should they be interpreted as a withdrawal of love.  You are not acting against your spouse.  Your intent is to be yourself in a way that is intended to improve your relationship.  Throughout this process, it is vital that you maintain emotional warmth and closeness with your spouse.

  1. Once you are clear about your boundaries and how you will respond differently going forward, let your spouse know in person or by letter: (a) the issue you have been struggling with, (b) your unwillingness for things to continue as before, and (c) how you plan to act differently. Leave blame out of this discussion.
  1. Implement and stick with your new commitment. This is very important according to fort myers marriage counseling.  In all probability, your spouse will test you and your resolve.  You may hear calls, in one form or another, to “change back” to the way you were.  You may even experience inner doubts about the rightness of your new course.  But having thought it through and desiring to change the seemingly endless cycle of frustration of the past, keep the long term relationship benefits front and center.  State your beliefs and stick to them.   Become a broken record if you have to.  Change is not easy, but once implemented and maintained, it becomes the new normal.  If your spouse loves you, he or she will likely change in a positive way to meet the new reality you initiated.

This brings this four part discussion to a close.  If you live in the cities of Naples FL, Cape Coral FL, Fort Myers FL, Bonita Springs FL, Estero FL, or any of the surrounding cities, feel free to contact Dr. Ken Newberger.  He holds a Ph.D., in Conflict Analysis and Resolution and works with couples who stressed and want greater peace.  View his effective alternative approach to traditional marriage counseling.  Go to  Or call for a free telephone consultation to talk about your case.

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