Fort Myers Marriage Counseling – Conflict Over Values

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Fort Myers Marriage Counseling – Conflict Over Values


Fort Myers Marriage Counseling:  Conflicts Over Values

Part 1 of 2  (click here for Part 2)

Our values are deeply personally held beliefs. They don’t change very often even over the course of lifetime. This is especially true when these values are tied to our self-identity, says fort myers marriage counseling and naples marriage counseling. There are four different ways to address with marital conflicts that involve values. Counselors engaged in fort myers marriage counseling and cape coral marriage counseling with a background in conflict resolution provides guidance. On the other hand, there are things you should keep in mind if you try to deal with an identity or values conflict in your marriage on your own.

Avoid Directly Challenging Another’s Identity or Values. The question that should be asked here says is, will a discussion of values likely result in more conflict? If the answer is affirmative, that is, if there would be no productive outcome, then instead of discussing values, talk about related issues. What does this mean? Consider these alternatives.

(a) Use a Different Framework to discuss your issues. (i) Concentrate on your marriage mate’s threatening behavior, not his or her values. (ii) Concentrate on your spouse’s attitude. Promote positive regard for the other despite your differences in values. (iii) Concentrate on the ways things are structured. For example, a change in delineated roles within the marriage, may need to be adjusted. In all these areas, conflict in your marriage can be reduced without having to ask each other to change your values.

(b) Improve Each’s Understanding of the Other’s Values. (i) Educate each other about the values you hold. This should increase mutual understanding. (ii) Respect each other’s beliefs. (iii) Try and be empathetic toward each other’s perspective to feel how important these values are to your mate’s identity. (Understanding of, it should be noted, does not require agreement with). (iv) Acknowledge the legitimacy of other’s values. Taking this approach will tend to lower the tensions between you.

(c) Ways to Move Forward. (i) Agree to disagree on values and focus on areas where you can work together and enjoy each other as a couple. (ii) Develop distinct areas of influence where each of your values will be given preference. For example, if one parent is Jewish and the other is Christian, you could celebrate both holidays according to the calendar. (The date for Hanukkah is different each December). In this way, each spouse’s values are preserved without engaging in a fight.

Bottom line, say fort myers marriage counseling and bonita springs marriage counseling is to accommodate each other’s values rather than try to run roughshod over them.

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If you need help making peace in your marriage and you live in southwest of Florida, contact, Dr. Ken Newberger, PhD, Conflict Analysis and Resolution. His cutting-edge process for couples provides an effective alternative to traditional marriage counseling. View his alternative process to traditional marriage counseling at

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