Marriage Counseling Fort Myers – Improve Marriage React Differently (1 of 4)

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Marriage Counseling Fort Myers – Improve Marriage React Differently (1 of 4)

Introduction.   Marriage Counseling Fort Myers understands the importance that each spouse takes responsibility for his or her actions and reactions in the relationship.

 The Futility of Blaming.  The truth is no one has the power to change someone else, says Marriage Counseling Fort Myers.  If a person doesn’t want to chance, repeated complaining and blaming won’t help.  As a general rule, venting one’s anger does little to change things.  How many prospective brides and grooms have entered into matrimony thinking that they will mold their mates only to come to the sober realization that such thinking was naïve?  Too many!  None of us has the ability to make others think, feel, or be the way we want them to be.  The same is true in reverse.  No one can make us think, feel, or be a certain way simply because that is what they want.

Consider the marriage of Jane and John, suggests Marriage Counseling Fort Myers.  Part of their ongoing action-reaction pattern is Jane’s blaming John for her unhappiness.  But Jane’s repeated requests and complaints have little impact on John.  John doesn’t change which only makes Jane more frustrated and resentful toward John.  She begins to emotionally distance herself from him.

The Problem of Blaming.  An accusing spouse’s finger-pointing needs to be considered when trying to resolve an issue.  That is blaming tends to focus only on one side of the interaction.  When Jane blames John her part in their interaction disappears.  She looks out.  She doesn’t look within.  She doesn’t consider how her blaming may be contributing to the maintenance of John’s behavior.  Jane’s, “this is what you need to do” approach only makes John more resistant.  The issue then quickly morphs into a personal conflict between John and Jane.  Jane complains, John fights back or withdraws, and predictably nothing else happens.

A New Way Forward.  Marriage Counseling Fort Myers suggests that you try a different route.  Instead of complaining, why not conclude this is who your mate is?  Why not, rather, focus on yourself?  Why not consider your contribution to the cycle?  Why not alter the interaction?  Why not ask yourself, “how can I change my moves in this circular pattern?”  If you modify how you act and react to your spouse, this will likely modify how your spouse acts and reacts toward you.  [This article continues in part 2 of this four part piece].

If you reside in Southwest Florida (SWFL), particularly Lee and Collier counties and the cities of Fort Myers, Naples, Cape Coral, Estero, and Bonita Springs FL, feel free to contact Dr. Ken Newberger, Ph.D., Conflict Analysis and Resolution.  He stands ready to help couples who are struggling in their marriages.  He offers an unique alternative to conventional marriage counseling. View his website at:

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