Marriage Counseling – Improve Your Marriage (3 of 4)

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Marriage Counseling – Improve Your Marriage (3 of 4)

This is part 3 of a 4-part article.  Cape Coral marriage counseling recommends taking the advice provided in this discussion to heart.


She then considers her options in her circumstance.  She decides that rather than blaming John for what she is not getting, she will spend at least every other weekend with her sister and engage in an array of enjoyable activities (e.g. shopping together, going to the beach, going to the movies, eating out, etc.).  John will have to decide whether he would rather be at home alone without Jane or accommodate her wishes.  After seeing Jane’s change of behavior and sitting for weeks alone in the house, John chooses to spend more time with Jane outside the home (without Jane’s sister).  Both Fort Myers marriage counseling and marriage counseling Estero recommend that you compare and contrast the old way and the new way below.

 The Old Way

You complain and try to change your spouse, but to no avail.  By focusing on your spouse, you are reinforcing the cycle of interaction that perpetuates the very problem you are complaining about.  In the end, your spouse doesn’t change and neither do you, and neither does your unhappy circumstance.

The New Way

Old patterns are broken when you choose to revise your part in the typical flow of interactions. You are not looking to become emotionally distant from your spouse.  You are simply saying that these interactions haven’t been good for either one of you, and you are going to do your part to alter them by changing how you react and act.

Steps to a Healthier, Happier Marriage

Naples marriage counseling  points out that there are seven steps to a healthier, happier marriage.

  1. Identify the emotion that you most often experience when frustrated by your spouse. (That emotion is often anger).
  1. Note when you feel that emotion and pinpoint the behavior triggering it.
  1. Consider whether this interaction is one you experienced before, such as in your family of origin. If you have, this will speak to how determined you must be to develop and maintain a new way of responding.
  1. If there are multiple areas of concern, it is usually best to start with the smallest and/or easiest to address and expand out from there.

[This ends part 3 of this article and will conclude in part 4].

If you need help in your marriage relationship and you are both open to real change and you live in Southwest Florida, go to View the alternative process to traditional marriage counseling developed by Dr. Kenneth Newberger, who holds a Ph.D., in Conflict Analysis and Resolution.  Then call for a free telephone consultation to discuss your particular situation.


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