Marriage Counseling Fort Myers – Reacting Differently 2

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Marriage Counseling Fort Myers – Reacting Differently 2


Marriage Counseling Fort Myers: Improve Your Marriage by Reacting Differently  (Part 2 of 3)

Continued from Part 1

Jane herself can end the “complaint – non compliant response” cycle, notes  Marriage Counseling Fort Myers.  Instead of blaming John for not changing, she can begin to alter her pattern of interaction with John.  That is to say, if she acts/reacts differently to John, chances are, John will act/react differently to her.  The circle of interaction will be different because Jane chooses to assert herself and break out of her existing reactive pattern.  If John loves Jane and wants to be with Jane, he will adapt his behavior accordingly.

To Illustrate

Marriage Counseling Fort Myers suggests to consider the following illustration.  John is a homebody.  Jane likes to socialize.  For the last two years, Jane has asked John for a weekly date night.  John has only accommodated on a monthly basis.  In recent months, Jane has been complaining to John that they spend too much time watching TV and don’t get out enough.  This often ends up in a fight.  Johns’ rationale is that after a long week at work, he doesn’t want to socialize.  He is happy with things as they are.  Jane finally comes to the conclusion that this is her reality.  She then considers her options in her circumstance.  She decides that rather than blaming John for what she is not getting, she will spend at least every other weekend with her sister and engage in an array of enjoyable activities (e.g. shopping together, going to the beach, going to the movies, eating out, etc.).  John will have to decide whether he would rather be at home alone without Jane or accommodate her wishes.  After seeing Jane’s change of behavior and sitting for weeks alone in the house, John chooses to spend more time with Jane outside the home (without Jane’s sister).

The Old Way

You complain and try to change your spouse, but to no avail.  By focusing on your spouse, you are reinforcing the cycle of interaction that perpetuates the very problem you are complaining about. Marriage Counseling Fort Myers notes that in the end your spouse doesn’t change and neither do you, and neither does your unhappy circumstance.

The New Way

Marriage Counseling Fort Myers points out that old patterns are broken when you choose to revise your part in the typical flow of interactions. You are not looking to become emotionally distant from your spouse.  You are simply saying that these interactions haven’t been good for either one of you, and you are going to do your part to alter them by changing how you react and act.

Continued in Part 3


If there is conflict in your marriage or tensions that are need being addressed, Dr. Ken Newberger can help.  His modern alternative to conventional marriage counseling is both effective and efficient.  Go to his website to learn more.

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