Naples FL Marriage Counseling: The Need for Acceptance

Home / Marriage Counseling SWFL / Naples FL Marriage Counseling: The Need for Acceptance

Naples FL Marriage Counseling: The Need for Acceptance

Naples FL Marriage Counseling:  The Need for Acceptance

Naples FL Marriage Counseling, among others, notes that prolonged loneliness is a traumatic experience.  Counselors at Naples FL marriage counseling sees this all the time with spouses who are struggling in their marriages. The sense of team has faded away. The sense of isolation has set in. Naples FL marriage counseling notes that many couples talk about being roommates who basically live separate lives. The sense of aloneness in the midst of a marital bond can be traumatic. Let’s now take a moment on focusing on the nature of loneliness out of marriage.

Ned Langford was an American who fought in the Spanish-American War in the Philippines in 1898. Nine years after he returned home and just months before he was to marry a woman named Jane, Ned learned that he had contracted leprosy while in the Philippines. After secretly seeing a number of doctors Ned ended up living for a year in New York City while being treated by a specialist. Fearing he could pass the disease to others, he isolated himself from social contact. Except for his younger brother, Tom, no one knew of Ned’s condition. For Tom, the thought of marriage was no longer a possibility. In fact, to spare his family and fiancé, Ned staged his suicide so others could get on with their lives. Soon after arriving in the city, he drove his car into the Hudson River at 2 am in the morning. He left enough identifying papers behind so the police could identify the victim, who they assumed was carried away by the current. At the end of his fruitless treatment, Ned wrote this letter to his brother, which I have shortened and edited, found in Perry Burgess’ 1940 book entitled, “Who Walk Alone.” Naples FL marriage counseling hopes you find value in this excerpt.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tom,

I’ve reached the end. It’s insane for me to attempt to go on longer with this farce. I’ve clung in stupid desperation to the thought that I would grow better, that I must grow better. I’ve refused, hour by hour, to believe that such a thing could or was actually happening to me.

For almost one year it has gone on just like that, hour by hour. Yes, minute following minute, every interminable waking minute trying to calm myself into believing that it wasn’t happening, that it couldn’t happen to me any more than it could happen to you, or mother, or Jane. Every foot of every block of the city streets that I have paced week in and week out, month in and month out, can testify to the prayers that I have breathed.

But it has happened, Tom. Incredible as it is, it has happened to me. I’m a leper, a leper who for a solid year has been living in a fool’s paradise of make-believe, pretending that I would once more see home. Even that some time I would be going back to Jane and that she would not ask where I had been, or why. That together we would begin our life. That’s not going to happen, Tom.

One time I took a steam boat that runs from Battery Park to Coney Island. I thought the going down the bay, the music and gaiety, the amusements at Coney would help me to forget for a few hours. They only made me remember all the more deeply. I spent the hour on the boat trying to avoid pressing against the crowd but my actions attracted attention and people looked at me suspiciously. I became confused and embarrassed. At last I found myself on the lower deck at the extreme stern of the boat. There I was alone except for a watchman who occasionally strolled past. Evidently he had grown suspicious, too, or some of the passengers had pointed me out. I was not far from jumping overboard then, Tom. The white, foamy wake of the ship a few feet below me looked warm and peaceful. You helped me then, kid, just as you have on other occasions. I remembered what you have asked repeatedly. You wrote once, remember: “Don’t ever just quit.”

That same night when we landed at Coney Island I could do nothing. Every amusement meant crowding in with a lot of people. I made the attempt several times and each time had to step out of line. A nausea spread through my whole body. I went back to the boat and when I saw its brilliantly lighted deck, my knees went weak. I couldn’t face another agonizing hour on board. I turned back and, keeping in the shadow, crossed to where the lights grew few and although it was miles back to the city, I walked it. Walked and walked through that whole night. I walked, and thought and suffered. You could never believe how alone aloneness is. You have to move, live, breathe, see, hear, in the midst of millions of people, not daring to touch one of them, afraid to speak lest they become friendly – avoiding – avoiding – eternally avoiding.

I can’t endure another day of it. I’m going where there are others like me, where there will be thousands of us, where I need not hesitate to speak to the man I meet in the street. Where, if someone jostles me I don’t have to slink away from him like a beaten dog. Tomorrow I will be gone. Dr. Thompson is helping me get on an army transport from San Francisco that is headed for the Philippines. You can write me at the leper colony on Culion island.

I know nothing of the world into which I am going. When I am there, I shall write to you. Meanwhile, don’t think I’ve quit. I’ve just accepted what can’t be avoided – I’ve lost my life – I shall try to find it again.

Affectionately,
Ted

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As It Relates to Marriage

Ted Langford’s letter highlights, observes Naples FL marriage counseling, that the real psychological and emotional pain of isolation notes . “You could never believe how alone aloneness is.” What Ted needed, what he was willing to go to the other side of the world for, was acceptance. He needed to be with those who would welcome him just as he was – which was in fact what happened.

Ted’s need for acceptance is every human being’s need. This is especially true in marriage says Naples FL marriage counseling. The question becomes, can you look underneath the flaws of your spouse and love him or her anyway? You and I desperately need to be accepted says. We need someone who makes us feel appreciated.  Naples FL marriage counseling also points out, so do they.

If you need assistance to find a way to increase your acceptance of your husband or wife, Dr. Ken Newberger can help. If you reside in Collier or Lee counties in Southwest FL, he can personally help the both of you. To learn more about his alternative approach to conventional marriage counseling go to www.MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couples.htm. He stands ready to assist you work through with your marriage issues.

 

Recommended Posts

Leave a Comment

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt