Naples Marriage Counseling – Stages of Forgiveness

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Naples Marriage Counseling – Stages of Forgiveness

Naples Marriage Counseling – The Stages of Forgiveness

Psychology Tools, a website for therapists, outlined the steps to forgiveness from two different authors.  Naples marriage counseling as well as fort myers marriage counseling concur on the importance of forgiveness in a relationship, especially a marriage relationship.  The article by Psychology Tools is reproduced and edited below.

Five Steps for Granting the Gift of Forgiveness (suggested by R. Klimes)

A.    Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused by the clearly identified specific offenses.

B.    Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or punishment to the offender.

C.    Consider the offender’s perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behaviour.

D.   Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on the o ender. Passing it back and forth magnifies it.

E.   Extend compassion and good will to the offender. That releases the offended from  the offense.

Four Stages of Forgiveness (Naples marriage counseling not that this list is suggested by Enright & Fitzgibbons)

  1. Uncovering

Gaining insight into whether, and how, the injustice and subsequent injury have compromised his or her life. Confronting anger and shame. Becoming aware of potential emotional exhaustion. Becoming aware of cognitive preoccupation. Confronting the possibility that the transgression could lead to permanent change for them. Discovering how the transgression changed their view of the world.

  1. Decision

Gaining an accurate understanding of what forgiveness is, and making a decision to commit to forgiving on the basis of this understanding.

  1. Work

Gaining a deeper  understanding of the o ender and beginning to view the o ender in a new light (reframing), resulting in positive change in affect about the o ender, about the self, and about the relationship. Showing empathy and compassion. Bearing the pain. Giving the moral gift of forgiveness.

  1. Deepening

Finding meaning in the suffering (post-suffering growth). Consideration of times when we have needed other’s forgiveness. Knowing that we’re not alone. Becoming aware that forgiveness allows us to feel more connected with others and to experience decreased negative emotion.

Naples marriage counseling recognize the importance of forgiveness in a marriage.  It is a graceful means for spouse’s to constructively address the past in order to pave a new road for the future.

If you need help with your marriage and you live in Southwest Florida (SWFL), says naples marriage counseling, call on Dr. Ken Newberger who holds a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis and Resolution from Nova Southeastern University.  Dr. Newberger’s clients primarily live in Lee and Collier counties and in the cities of Naples, Fort Myers, Cape Coral, Estero, and Bonita Springs.  Check out his alternative approach to traditional marriage counseling at or call him to briefly discuss your situation without charge.

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