Goal
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Not Clearly Defined.
Historically, traditional marriage counseling has been non-directive. Consider one wife's experience. “We were looking for someone to work with us on a specific plan for our marriage. Instead, we got a totally neutral counselor who didn’t seem to care whether or not our marriage survived. We weren’t neutral about wanting to save our marriage, he was.” In the end, the couple divorced. A well-known infidelity expert advised, “If your therapist just sits back and watches your exchanges without providing any structure or direction, it may be time for a change.” Not all counselors are goal-oriented. They may serve more as a sounding board than active champions fighting to save your relationship.
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Clearly Defined. Like a train that runs in only one direction, Dr. Newberger is goal-oriented, pursuing a couple’s reconciliation. He focuses on helping couples resolve conflict, reconnect, and enjoy each other again. One woman wrote, “We went to a therapist yesterday. However, she didn’t offer anything constructive for us to do in order to better our relationship. That was why when I saw your plan it was refreshing since it has actual steps for a couple to take.”
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Understanding You
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Labeling.
If clients have insurance and want their insurance company to pay for any part of their counseling costs, the therapist must enter a “diagnosis code” on the claims form for at least one spouse. Without a mental health disorder diagnosis, therapists will not be paid. The diagnosis must be made very early in the process – the first or second session – otherwise the claim will likely be denied. Because of this rush to judgment, the probability of misdiagnosis and mislabeling is high. Unfortunately, once a diagnosis is on file, it becomes part of the client’s permanent medical record. You are now viewed as a “depressed person,” someone who has a “personality disorder,” someone who is “narcissistic,” etc. And you thought you were just getting help with your marriage!
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No Labeling. Dr. Newberger is a conflict resolution specialist dedicated to guiding couples toward peace and unity. He uses a mediatorial framework that is Not about assigning psychiatric labels or developing “treatment” plans. It is about understanding each of you as individuals without pigeon-holing you by a label that does not reflect the totality of who you are.
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Pinpointing Your Core Issues
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Less Likely. As illustrated above, in traditional settings, conclusions about you — and your relationship — may not only miss the mark, but be grossly inaccurate when based on a premature misreading or an incomplete picture of your reality.
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More Likely. Dr. Newberger has developed and used the Conflict Analysis Tool with over 1,000 clients. Like an X-ray, it peers into your relationship from multiple angles. It uncovers what’s really driving your marital issues. It then allows Dr. Newberger to promote solutions that “hit the mark.” Incredibly, the deep work of rebuilding your relationship begins in your second joint session. You bypass weeks of data-gathering meetings that do not yield the same level of accuracy and insight as does Dr. Newberger’s process.
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Sessions
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Curtailed.
The “therapy hour” lasts 45–50 minutes. Quoting from a Huffington Post article on this subject, “The therapeutic hour also sets psychological boundaries for the therapist and client. Stuempfig notes that 45- or 50-minute sessions allow therapists to offer a fresh perspective and remain objective without getting too immersed in a client’s life” (italics added). Huh?
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Full-Involvement. Dr. Newberger’s session hour means a full 60 minutes, not a deflated 45 or 50 minute “therapy hour.” Moreover, Dr. Newberger is not to be viewed as detached and on neither side. Rather, he is to be viewed as immersed and engaged on both sides at the same time.
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Preparation Time
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Limited Time. Traditional marriage counseling is bound by significant time constraints. One psychologist described his time between sessions this way: “During that 10 minutes, I furiously write down notes of the previous session while they are fresh… I then put the file back into my file drawer and prepare the next file for the upcoming session. I also read the notes from the previous session so that I may refresh my memory about issues we are working on, homework assignments, and any other business or therapy items that may need to be considered or discussed. I also straighten up the office from the previous session, remove trash and paperwork, get a bottle of fresh water for my upcoming client, and put the space back to a starting position. But, that isn’t all! This 10 minutes is also the only time I have to use the restroom, have a quick bite to eat, and/or return phone calls, emails, or texts.” Question: If you and your spouse were the next clients, how would you feel about these frantic, last-minute preparations to address your deeply-felt marital concerns?
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Ample Time. Unlike most counselors, Dr. Newberger typically devotes a full hour preparing for each session, developing an agenda based on the extensive information he’s gathered about your relationship. While you can always raise pressing concerns, he works to keep discussions focused and productive. For example, he will never ask you, “So, what do you want to talk about today?” He already knows the issues that matter most. Because of this thorough preparation, he accepts fewer clients, ensuring you and your spouse receive the depth of care your relationship deserves.
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