Are You a Conflicted or Devitalized Couple? The Prepare/Enrich Assessment Can Help

Greetings!  My name is Dr. Ken Newberger. I hold a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution and have served as a Prepare/Enrich (P/E) facilitator since 1988. It has become an integral part of my overall process working with couples.

The Prepare/Enrich assessment tool has been completed by millions of couples worldwide. It is designed to help them gain clarity regarding their relationship. It shows each mate's perspective, which in turn, increases insight and communication about the state of the relationship. One couple reflected, “After 10 years of marriage, this assessment helped us reconnect and appreciate each other more. It was exactly what we needed to reignite our relationship.”

Note:  Although many couples have used P/E as part of their Christian marriage counseling journey, the tool is suitable for individuals of all faiths as well as those who do not subscribe to any faith. The tool automatically adjusts its questions to reflect who you are as a couple in this and other categories. While I subscribe to a Judeo-Christian worldview, I welcome people from all backgrounds. I work with clients across the country by video, so we can meet face-to-face wherever you are.

What Prepare/Enrich Reveals: Your Couple Category

One of Prepare/Enrich’s unique features is how it categorizes a couple’s relationship. Measured against a pool of 500,000 couples, couples will be identified as belonging to one of the following five groups.

• Vitalized couples: These couples are typically the most satisfied with their relationship, skilled in communication and conflict resolution.
• Harmonious couples: These couples also enjoy high levels of satisfaction across most areas of their relationship.
• Conventional couples: These couples are often highly committed to one another, but not as skilled in communication or conflict resolution.
• Conflicted couples: These couples have a lower level of satisfaction and often struggle with many areas of their relationship.
• Devitalized couples: These couples have the lowest level of satisfaction and need to grow in almost all aspects of their relationship.

It is important to note that the P/E tool is not designed to resolve a couple's issues when they are conflicted or devitalized. The P/E itself states that it is “NOT a replacement for professional relationship counseling” (emphasis theirs). Meaning: When there are recurring or deep-seated problems, the couple should not delay seeking professional help. Clergy, unless they have received specialized training, are usually not equipped to effectively assist such couples.

But Beware!

Not every marriage counselor is actually committed to saving your marriage. Reviewing the research, sociologist Dr. James D. Wright concluded that the counseling profession too often guides couples through divorce rather than working to repair the relationship. Clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr. has made the same point: most therapists are trained to stay neutral and non-directive — someone you can talk to, but not someone who will actively coach you toward saving your marriage.

That can leave couples who came in determined to fight for their marriage sitting across from someone who isn’t. As one spouse put it after such an experience, “We weren’t neutral about wanting to save our marriage—he was.” The lesson, echoed by counselors such as Dr. Shirley Glass and Michele Weiner-Davis, is simple: find a counselor who is genuinely on the side of your marriage.

I Am Dedicated to Repairing Your Marriage

Over 90% of the married couples I work with are devitalized. Some are conflicted. Once in a blue moon, conventional. The only time I see harmonious or vitalized is with pre-marital couples. Whatever your category, I am committed to repairing and rebuilding your relationship. I start with your Prepare/Enrich results, then apply my conflict-resolution process to work through the issues that matter most.