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WHEN LOVE FAILS

In the 1930s, explains Harold Skeels worked with just over two dozen children.  All were living in an Iowa state institution.  These children were divided into two groups.  Skeels placed thirteen of the children, the experimental group, into a home for mentally retarded teenage girls and women.  The average age of the children was nineteen months.  The average IQ was 64.  Of one of the boys Skeels said he "was not only retarded, but showed [repetitive] patterns of behavior, particularly rocking back and forth incessantly."  The other twelve children, the control group, averaged seventeen months of age and an average IQ of 87.  The home for the mentally retarded teenage girls and women was divided into eight wards with approximately thirty girls to per ward.  Each ward received one or two of the tots.  These toddlers instantly became the center of attention.  They were doted upon.  They were taken on car rides and field trips.  In addition to this general care, in almost every case, either an older girl or a hospital attendant became particularly attached to a given child, almost as if that child were adopted by that person.  An "intense adult-child relationship" developed between the pair.

The experience for the other group of toddlers, the control group, was significantly different.  They were not separated out or distinguished from the larger population.  They received the typical care that was representative of that era.  This meant many children had far fewer caretakers.  While the children received good physical and medical care, their individual and emotional interactions with caregivers was lacking.  Contact with the adults or older child assistants focused on daily care issues such as eating, bathing, going to the bathroom, etc.  The children went outside the nursery room only for short periods of time to take a walk and to get some fresh air.  Of these children Skeels noted, "The outstanding feature is the profound lack of mental stimulation or experiences usually associated with the life of a young child in the ordinary home."

Over the next year and a half, Skeels watched the development of these two groups.   At the end of nineteen months, he found that the "experimental" group of children had an average IQ of 92, a gain of 28 points.  The IQ's of the control group of children, by contrast, dropped to an average of 61, a drop of 26 points. Steele observed, "a close bond of love and affection between a given child and one or two adults assuming a very personal parental role appears to be a dynamic factor of great importance." In addition, at the end of the experimental period, eleven of the thirteen children from the experimental group ended up in adoptive homes.  None from the control group were adopted.  More than two decades after completing his last post-experimental follow-up with the children in the 1940s, Skeels set out to find out what happened to these children.  What he learned was stunning.   All thirteen of the experimental children, now adults, were found to be self-supporting.  Eleven of the thirteen had graduated high school.  Four had at least one year of college.  A fifth had a B.A. and was enrolled in graduate school.  The children in the control group, on average, finished only the fourth grade.  One had died in adolescence, and the rest remained institutionalized.

As this investigation makes abundantly clear, when secure bonds of attachment are not formed at this critical stage in a young child's life, the damage that is done lasts a lifetime.  Skeels firmly believed that had the control group of children experienced the same kind of affectionate care and consistent personal attention the experimental children had, they too would have achieved normal development.  The sad truth is, when young children have their physical needs met but are emotionally neglected by failing to receive sustained, loving interactions, they will become and remain mentally handicapped.

Relevance to Marriage
There is a lesson here for couples in search of marriage counseling in Chantilly VA.  Feeding our bodies without feeding our emotional side is to stunt human development. Loveless marriages not only shut spouses off from one another.  They tend to diminish who we are as individuals.  It is a common refrain for those in conflicted relationships to say how confused they are, how they don't even know who they are anymore.  This is what happens when love fails. As it applies to marriage counseling in Chantilly, the underlying relational bond must be taken into account along with any problematic behaviors that need to be addressed.  Creating pathways to love must be central to the marital repair process.  When an emotional connection occurs individuals and relationships become transformed for the better.  This is why finding the right kind of marriage counseling near Chantilly is so important.

Postscript.  In 1968, Harold Skeels received the Joseph P. Kennedy International Award.  This award is recognized by many as the “Nobel Prize” for significant contributions in the field of mental retardation.  Just before Skeels accepted his award, he was introduced by a well-spoken young man, dressed in a tuxedo, who had recently earned his Master’s degree.  During his introductory words, the young man revealed to the audience that not only was he one of the children in the experimental group, but in particular, he was the one who "sat in the corner rocking" (see above).  This account shows the transforming power of love, something every human being needs to fully develop, including married couples.

To read the next article in this series, "When Love Fails," click part 4.  To read this series from the beginning, click, part 1.