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The dollar auction game first appeared in 1971. The game is often played as follows: A large group of people gathers and participates. A $20 bill is auctioned off to the highest bidder. Bidding begins at $1. All subsequent bids must be in single dollar increments. The unique twist to this auction is that while the highest bidder wins the $20 bill, the second highest bidder must pay to the auctioneer what he or she bid as well.

By the time the auction reaches $19, most bidders have dropped out. The person who had bid $18 will invariably bid $20 to break even. Presumably, that would bring the auction to a close, right? Wrong! One professor who utilized the dollar auction as a teaching tool for more than twenty years said that the bidding usually continues well past the $20 mark.110

There was one auction the professor will never forget. He used the dollar auction while teaching a course for executives in organi- zational behavior. At the end of the first auction, the “winner” paid $54 for the $20 bill. The loser paid $53. The rest of the class watched the futile bidding war with bewilderment and glee.111

The professor then pulled out another $20 bill and asked if anyone wanted to bid on it. (Through the years he had observed that people bid more during the second auction than the first, even though they all just witnessed the losses involved.) There were seventy people in the class that day. A variety of people made bids, some early, others late, right up to a bid of $20. Then, as is commonly the case, only two people remained. One was an engineer. The other was the president of a small company.

Bidding eventually rose to $100. The professor got tired of counting by ones. Bids were now to be made in $5 increments. The auction continued, and the bids quickly grew to $400 with no end in sight. The professor suggested that the bids be made in $10 increments. This caused no hesitation. Neither man was ready to relinquish the bidding war. As the auction continued, members of the class were stirred up. Some were calling out for their classmates to stop, but the two men weren’t paying attention. The tumult of the room was simply part of the background noise that these two men had tuned out. When the bidding reached $700, the professor suggested that each bid be made in $20 increments. When bidding quickly reached $1,200, increments again changed, this time to $50 a bid. The professor’s knees were shaking, and the class was in an uproar.

When the president of the company bid $2,000, the engineer was silent. He made no reply. The auction finally had come to an end. Everyone was astonished and shocked by what had just occurred. As the adrenaline slowed and the haze of the moment passed, the two bidders felt embarrassed. The professor privately spoke to them during the lunch break to debrief and reassure them that all was well. He also said that they didn’t have to pay the full amount. The two men agreed to pay $50 each.

Reflecting on what transpired, the “winner,” the company president, noted that he simply got caught up in the moment. “My ego took over and my competitive juices began to flow.” The engineer said much the same. “I was more concerned with ‘winning’ and ‘not giving up.’” Clearly, there came a point in the auction when the money was no longer the issue. Each man focused on prevailing over the other person. It became a “me-versus-you” mindset.

Unfortunately, "escalation" is the name of the game for many conflicted couples. (Read through the 8 Stages of marital conflict). This is why you need the intervention of a professional who can help direct the two of you onto a different path that leads to peace.